Un-Happy Valentines Day

In the spirit of this post here I have thought I would write a new post concerning on the day that will shortly be upon us. It seems that every year us men are incessantly reminded that if we want to be a good person we must buy our significant other something special. But not any old special item, it has to be valued in the hundreds of dollars to even be considered. The other pitfall is that if the "special item" does not meet some unknown criteria then the gift is a "failrure" and the man must make another attempt. All the while he must suffer the disappointment from his significant other, which can range from silence to outright hostility. What to do you think caused the Tunguska Event. Undoubtedly it was caused by an irate women who most definitely did not appreciate her husbands gift. Unfortunately, I fear that that the bits of him were left all over the Siberian plains.

For those of you who wish to avoid the fate of that unfortunate man may I offer some timely suggestions.

1. Spontaneously give your spouse gifts throughout the year that are unexpected and appreciated. This isn't one or the other.
2. Don't suddenly stop with Valentines Day. Slowly work your way into it through the years. Talk with her as well, or else you maybe the second Tunguska Event. 
3. Remember the real story behind St. Valentine, the person this holiday is named after.

A most horrific assault

It seems that team pink has no qualms about attacking the smallest member of team pink. This time it was not one of the younger members, which is expected, but the eldest member who viciously attacked the smallest member of Team Blue by attacking his toes with pink paint and were actually happy about their assault.

This heinous act must be retaliated against. No pictures to spare your eyes from this atrocity.

An abomination

The art of shooting has always been a manly sport. Therefore it was with utter horror that I saw this abomination to the sport. I mean really, how can you hide from the deer with such a bright, hideous gun.

Oh, The horror!!!!!!!!!!

When it comes to the girls room I made a terrible error. I made the critical mistake of letting the girls decide the paint color for the light. Rather than picking a nice, neutral color, they picked bright pink. To make matters worse, my desk is still stuck in the room. Hopefully soon I can find a new office in a room that is not so hideously colored.

 

A Just Punishment

Today before our trip to the museum I told the girls to go get dressed while I did other stuff. This was a big mistake as the outfits they came out wearing were definitely not on the Team Blue approved list. Due to their crimes I locked them up in the grey-bar hotel, only releasing them for meals and hard labor.

It seems though that only Aeralind has learned her lesson and is wearing something Blue Approved.

Hygiene

Recently I became aware of yet another sinister plot by those on team pink. Upon casually mentioning to my wife that I stunk needed a shower she curtly replied: "No, you don't smell like a dead, rotting elephant yet." She continued that poor, little Sedryn isn't even immune as she is currently growing some sort of culture in his neck folds. Thankfully I was able to clean those out the next time I was to feed him.

So, apparently while pink must bathe at the slightest hint of possible being dirty us men can only bathe when we can be smelled from miles away. Just what are they attempting to do with this latest endeavor? I guess I will be taking a lot of forbidden showers to avoid looking, and smelling, like this.

Father's Day Meal

It seems that my children decided to have a meal for Father's day a few days early this year, which is ok as I got the gift a week ago. I get home from work on Friday to find a piece of paper on the door inviting me to a Tea Party of all things. This is Father's day, not some girly picnic. Apparently team pink has chosen to not give me a typical Father's day. Instead Sedryn and I had to suffer through a tea party with very girly items to eat. I thought we ate Steak and Potatoes, or something else that is manly, for Father's Day. And relegate Tea Parties for Mother's day or girls birthdays.

Boycotting Valentines Day

From a young age we in America have it ingrained in our heads that Valentines day is a day of love and we MUST give gifts to people of the other gender. The boys are instructed that they have to give gifts and women are raised expecting to be lavishly given gifts on this day. If the man forgets to give a gift, or if said gift is found lacking in any way, then he will quickly be banished to the doghouse until the women decides her man's punishment is over. This could be a matter of days or even years. It is for this reason that I am happy that Melissa informed me before our 1st Valentines Day that I better not give her anything, a tradition I have continued since then. Hopefully I can also pass this on to my children as well.

I have a question though, why do we do this? Why are we forced into this over-commercialized holiday in the hopes that it can bring satisfaction and happiness to our Significant other? Should we not instead shower gifts on our spouses at random times throughout the year? It certainly would be cheaper on our checking account if we did.

Secondly, St. Valentine was one of several martyr's named Valentine who were all killed for the cause of Christ. Why don't we talk about that on Valentines Day? Espouse the principle of standing for your convictions and what you believe in even if it means death. It seems to me that is the message we should be talking about rather than this blatantly commercialized {pink} holiday.

A most Heinous Torture

It seems that members of Team Pink have taken to torturing the newest member of Team Blue. They take great pride in coming to the happy baby sucking on his pacifier and viciously tearing it from his mouth. Then when he starts to cry they start hitting him under the guise of burping him. Why can't they pick on someone their own size.

Standing the Test of Time

No matter which side of this issue you may find yourself on, there is one true test of which color is better. Only after leaving the item out for a year can you then know which one is stronger, bolder, and more resistant to the changing weather patterns. A year ago each of the girls got a lawnmower for their birthday that they are now enjoying whenever outside, and me thinking when they can really mow the lawn. I present to you the final outcome in this test and let you be the judge.

Birthday Extravaganza

This past Sunday was the girls birthday and it was celebrated in style that leaned to neither pink or blue. The morning began with a warm cup of tea from their new set, which was mostly blue or green and only the pot pink. After we finished our tea party/breakfast we set off for downtown to feed the local wildlife. Safely held by their father the girls showed no fear when the sinister geese encroached on our space or the numerous pigeons swarmed us for a handout. We all were sad though that the poor ducks did not get to join in the festivities. After completing this mission we headed off to the fountains where the girls gleefully lost their clothing and tried to either drink or stop the fountain.

It truly was a fun day and I am glad they had a good birthday. It was also a solid victory for team blue and a miserable failure for those rooting for team pink.

Play Time

It seems that either side in this war has vastly different ideas on how to have fun. If you asked someone from team pink they would offer the following ideas:
1. Tea Party involving ghastly pink objects, fake tea, and intense conversations with stuffed animals.
2. Chatting about others in a gossipy manner, which is a sin.
3. Going shopping and asking that silly question, does this make me look fat? Of which there is only one answer.

Now, when Team Blue gets together for some fun they are much more active in a wholesome manner. We wrestle with each other or play manly sports that require physical activity and contact.

This isn't to say that I want my daughters to be wrestlers but having serious physical activity is good for you and can be a lot of fun. Like in the video below.

Dress up

This past weekend while in the girls room they found a pile of clothes we needed to get put away. But of course, they first had to see how many of those items they could wear at one time. Please note the outfit choices and it should be easy to guess which daughter chose me to put the clothes on her. See, great minds think alike. :D

When Blue Strikes Back

There is a difference between my wife and I when we dress the girls. I generally dress them in neutral colors though sometimes I am forced to dress them in pink. One day though my wife forced poor Bronwyn to wear pink. Aeralind in an effort to save her sister from the dark side vaulted into her crib and tackled her to the ground. I am uncertain if she was successful or not though.

Horror of all horrors

It seems that something horrific has happened in our house. Our laundry has been over taken by pink. My wife informed me that between her and the girls they have enough pinks for a load all on their own. Do we really need that much pink in the house? On the positive side, now I don't have to worry about pink tainting any of my clothes in the wash.

To avoid the use of mind bleach by seeing that much pink, I shall give you a picture of a Scissor-Tailed Flycatcher.

Year 2 in Review

It has come to my attention that I missed my two year blogaversary!   Please excuse my tardiness in preparing this year in review!

Last year I set out some high and lofty goals for my war against pink.

1. To continue supplementing my daughters wardrobe with feminine, but non-pink attire. Last year my efforts to increase the feminine but not pink wardrobe had a good reception. My wife was insisting on Ballerina outfits so we compromised and it was definitely in my favor. We did family pictures and to my joy we had NO pink on us. 

My daughters continued this trend of wearing cute but NOT PINK outfits throughout the year even when getting dirty.
Like Aeralind deciding to climb in a hole and eat the dirt around her.

And Bronwyn happily climbing rocks in the rock quarry:

To petition the government to remove pink as a color. While I was never able to send in a petition concerning the  HORRID color choice for a tax envelope it seems that someone in their office reads my blog. As the latest tax envelope was a bright yellow.

Definitely a much better color choice and more appealing to those of us who are sensitive about such things.

To procure a dragon to aid in suitor defense. 
Sadly the efforts to purchase a dragon was viciously shot down by the leader of Team Pink. Her primary reason was that unless I can afford 10 Hippopotamus'  a day we cannot get one. So therefore I went and re-structured my Suitor Defense Plan. The first was the creation of the Marriage Contract. As the number of boys that wanted to visit with my daughters dramatically decreased I would say this was a great success. Due to a pending addition to the family I also elected to purchase a small item to aid in suitor defense, an Aircraft Carrier. Aeralind also elected to do her own version of Suitor Defense, where she took on her Black Widow Ways and EATS the hapless man who offends her.

Additionally during this year, I made a new enemy that somehow was able to morph into many different things. The first, and most insidious was my banishment to the Doghouse for innocent comments on household roles.We apparently had 2 new creatures move into our house. The first being the ominous Crack with the second being large Termites. We also had many, many battles against the Dreaded foe Odus Media, which thankfully was banished in January.

 We did have one enemy outside the house that was an instant Prohibition that was quickly and easily agreed on by all parties involved. There are though pretty Yellow and Black Striped birdies so that makes up for it a little bit.

Photo courtesy of my Dad.

During the course of the year the girls dabbled in many different sorts of future professions. Their earliest involved being a Musician. Upon realizing how much work this would entail they thought of an easier profession, being a Treasure Hunter. Due to the risk of bug bites they then attempted their hand at Rock Climbing. After these though they each went their own way on possible professions. Bronwyn tried her hand at being a Broomstick Rider while Aeralind pondered the virtues of being a Carpenter. They both did enjoy being a Wine Tester though.

We, my wife and I that is, discussed the different ideas of play dates on one occasion. I decided to show her just what Team Blue thought was a suitable idea for one. The girls also decided a demonstration was in order of Thievery and Mischief.

Lastly we celebrated their first birthday with a lovely post on our Survival and fed the girls Chocolate Cake for breakfast.
Finally....

In this next year I plan to further the cause of Team Blue while trying to fight the indomitable presence of Team Pink. I also hope that I will be able to welcome a new addition to Team Blue but that is unknown until the little one gets here. There was a bit of encouraging news though when the smallest members of team pink went on a Ride on the Wild Side

Surprises...

Some surprises are a bad thing, like walking out to your car and finding it on blocks with no doors or tires. Some surprises are a good thing, like finding out your having twins instead of a singleton on your first pregnancy.
This surprise is definitely in the good category though it is unknown if it will be reinforcements for the beleaguered Team Blue or if it will side with Team Pink. I will let you my faithful readers know as soon as we do, which will be sometime in October.

Freed from the Doghouse

This past weekend I finally was able to organize my release from the overly pink doghouse I had banished to last fall. Part of my parole though was to build a pink doghouse out of play dough depicting where I had lived for the past few months.

A Message from Team Pink

I received the following message from Team Pink. Apparently they should head back to grammar school as they failed at spelling.


zjcemjfhjymfmgkljgkkjfx jhfdkjmfjkklecuh4d874iorxyhfjnmkfuyd 8uirviuooltujhdhgsefgdszDZ 0P4V897F45UIEGHVSHGIJKAGTHKSJK mndsm,dfikjntrrl;mrjkkjriukiktrlrt52jmhrfjerjoi o4fu8ih45kjlkfdjhmshnmfgotruijhjhjhhjhj
msw jkm dfjjkfdjk jfd
jhnmdsmfvdj vcj
ujvciun gf oiofiurfdukiklgklg uirfvdoiwp;ldsolfgklgfklflkfdjkdsuj dsikolfdl

kl fvk,jvcm

love

bronwyn

A Government Conspiracy

I always knew that the Government was out to get us and I have caught wind of one of their most devious plans. The County Tax Envelopes are PINK. How ghastly is that, the people in our government apparently want to pinkify the world and make it uglier. We must rise up and convince them that blue is a much better color.