Friday, July 16, 2010

A Different Approach to Suitor Defense?

Since my wolverines have been dozing on the job and far too many boys are making eyes at my girls... I thought I would try a different approach. I present to you, The Marriage Contract:

I the undersigned boy do henceforth agree to marry the daughter of Derek and Melissa Aldrich within three (3) days of my 19th birthday. I also agree to the following stipulations:
  1. The Boy shall have no interactions with ANY women other than siblings/cousins before their wedding date.
  2. The Boy shall be trained in how to treat a lady by his mother or an acceptable tutor.
  3. The Boy shall always treat his future bride as a gentlemen would treat a lady and will abstain from being alone with her. 
  4. The Boy shall purchase for the girl a nice, respectable gift for a lady and also purchase a similar gift of equal or greater value for her mother. If the gift is considered unacceptable then the Boy shall purchase a new gift for both parties that is suitable to their tastes.
  5.  The Boy shall only see the girl on her Birthday and other Major Holidays. The exception being if they attend the same church and then they can interact ONLY with chaperon's around.
  6. The Boy shall attend church that is acceptable to the Bride's parents EVERY Sunday unless sick or otherwise incapacitated (by my wolverines).
  7. The Groom's parents shall pay a dowry of Money, Livestock, and Properties exceeding a value of $250,000. The amounts over and above are to be negotiated between both parties. 
  8. The Groom's parents will pay a annual fee for the privilege of their son marrying one of the girls.
  9. The Boy shall agree to play any "Girly" type games that she so desires without complaint or grumbling. Including but not limited to: Barbies, Tea Parties, Tutus, and English Country Dance.
  10. All gifts and properties given are non-returnable if this contract becomes void.
This Contract shall be considered void if any of the following are committed:
  1. The Boy flirts with the wrong twin, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
  2. The Boy attempts to flirt with or pickup other women.
  3. The Boy attempts to hold her hand or other physical contact before placing a diamond ring on her finger that exceeds a value of $10,000.
  4. The Boy grumbles about going to tea parties or other girly events with his prospective bride.
  5. The Boy misses a scheduled Birthday or other Holliday meeting. 
  6. On the boys 16th birthday the girl shall decide if the Boy is handsome enough. If the boy is found unsuitable, then the contract is void.  
The undersigned parties do agree to abide to and uphold ALL conditions of this contract. If the Boy's parents wish to remove themselves from this contract then all monies and gifts shall remain the property of the Girl and her family.  The contents of this contract are non-negotiable.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Yes, we have Dragons

Dragonet's need to eat zucchini. I makes you grow strong and fiery.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Team Blue Fights Back

Not content with my dear daughter's betrayal of Team Blue they did a swift counterattack shortly after by sucking her into the crack and munching on her until she conceded in surrender.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

A Daughter's Betrayel

My dearest Bronwyn, you said you would stand for team blue and get away from those foul team pink folks.  But yesterday, I saw your true colors when you snatched the pink bird and crawled away with it in your mouth. Why could you not go for something blue? There were plenty of choices for you.