Crazy Speak: Sleeping Around

Melissa asking Bronwyn why she is curled up with the Peanut Butter.

Are you sleeping with the peanut butter?

Say What?!

I saw the above sign while driving the a rural area near my house and had to stop to take a picture. Apparently it is a Bluegrass Music Festival. Definitely sounds like a fun activity for the family, hopefully they don't keep skunks in cages there. Else it may get smelly.

Danger Scale: Tree Hugger

She is 8 feet up in the tree and quite happy about being up there. Any suggestion of getting her down was met with a stern NO!!!!!!. 

Please rate this in the comments due to poll malfunction.

Danger Scale: Fireplace as a Playplace

Playing in the Fireplace.... Completely safe for any child. Right?

How would you rate this?

Future Profession: Crane Operator

Aeralind working on her dexterity while trying to learn how to run a crane. She mentioned something about needing to bury pink stuff in the back yard but wasn't to clear.

Danger Scales

Anyone who has children has an inherent danger scale when it comes to what their children can and cannot do. To some parents, they would happily let their children walk a tightrope across a ravine at age 3. While with others the mere thought of their child leaving their well-padded home in anything but full protective armour leaves them in hysteria.With this in mind I present to you readers a series of posts where I request your input in how you would rate some of the activities that my daughters have gotten up to lately. A vote of 1 is no danger while 10 is running around frantically waving my arms in the air screaming for help.

Here is the first one. In this picture Aeralind decided to inform us that she could remove her diaper all by herself.

How would you rate this?

How to be a Womanizer

My dear son has apparently become quite the womanizer already so I thought I would him to tell us just how he pulls it off.

1. Get your picture posted all over facebook. Include shots of you laying in an apple basket. (word will spread about your cuteness)

2. Attend gatherings of women. Christmas parties, MOPS, and the children's museum are excellent places to pick up the chicks.

3. If you like younger women, wear monsters, or lions, or elephants, or monkeys, or other creatures on your clothing.  They will find them irresistible and will come over and paw at you shrieking "Monkey!" or whatever is appropriate.  You'll feel like a rock star. (They may also cause you pain... I'm not always the fan of the younger ladies.)

 4. If you want the older women, start by grooming yourself well.  Let me give it to you straight: don't be afraid to rock the 'hawk. An utterly amazing mohawk works wonders.  (baby lotion on wet hair makes an awesome strokable 'hawk')

5. When you find yourself in the arms of a woman, lay on the lip quiver thick.  They either think you're cold (and hold you closer:bonus!) or think it's so cute that exclaim in awe demanding that their nearest girl friends come look at you.  You want all the nearest girlfriends to look at you.  It gives you options if things with the first girl don't work out.

6. And finally, wear New Baby Scent Cologne.  It attracks the women like nothing else.  They'll pick you up out of seats to snuggle and be with you.

A most Heinous Torture

It seems that members of Team Pink have taken to torturing the newest member of Team Blue. They take great pride in coming to the happy baby sucking on his pacifier and viciously tearing it from his mouth. Then when he starts to cry they start hitting him under the guise of burping him. Why can't they pick on someone their own size.

So my Daughter pet a boy today.....

And I was completely ok with it. His name is Bruce though Aeralind wasn't all that keen.

The Gobble Gobble Wobble

The new Thanksgiving theme song, courtesy of Mathew West on the K-Love Morning show.   Matthew West "Gobble Gobble" by K-LOVE Radio

Pink's Sinister Side

With the birth of our son certain members of Team Pink have taken on a more drastic role in making Team Blue miserable. The following is a short compendium of what they have accomplished to date on his month birthday.

1. Pillage his toy basket and steal his chicken from the car seat.
2. Give asphyxiating hugs and affection.

3. Use the car seat as a foot rest making the poor boy smell their stinky feet.
4. Steal his pacifier from his mouth and then wonder why he is crying.
5. Attempt to feed him Animal Crackers or Buttons.
6. Try to smother the baby by piling tons of stuff on him.

Standing the Test of Time

No matter which side of this issue you may find yourself on, there is one true test of which color is better. Only after leaving the item out for a year can you then know which one is stronger, bolder, and more resistant to the changing weather patterns. A year ago each of the girls got a lawnmower for their birthday that they are now enjoying whenever outside, and me thinking when they can really mow the lawn. I present to you the final outcome in this test and let you be the judge.

Accessories

The girls decided that they needed to accessorize their brothers chair.

The Duck is for bath time so you are not lonely
The Ham is to eat with the donut
The Elephant is for giving elephants
The Doll is for snuggles
The Prayer book is so he can learn to give thanks

Future Profession: Doctor

We have taken to using Vaseline over Diaper rash cream on the girls and they now ask for their Med'cine. Yesterday, a great travesty occurred when Aeralind's Pun'kin got a broken stem. They decided to "fix" the issue by giving him some of their Med'cine.

Birth Story v2

It was a dark and stormy night when there arose a cry from a nearby house. Not one of panic, but of pain as the baby decided that it was time for him to enter the world. After consulting with her husband they set off for the local delivery place. After many hours of trying labor the baby sprang forth to peals of thunder and flashes of lightning.

Who knew that is how mummies spring forth.

Carving Pupmkins

Carving a pumpkin can always be a fun endevour. But before you begin you need to gather up the tools that you will need.

Besides the obvious need of a pumpkin you will need a knife, a pattern, and a drill.

After carving an opening in the top get your young children to make a mess with the insides. As they have a natural proclivity of making messes then this task should be quite enjoyable for them.

Once the innards have been removed then you need to apply the pattern to the pumpkin. Duct Tape works quite well for this. Then poke along the edges with a sharp metal implement of your choosing. In this case I used a fondue fork, which unfortunately became a casualty of the evening.

Once you have sketched out the pattern then proceed to carve it using either a knife or your drill. The knife will get the job done but is slower and more boring than using a drill.

Once you have completed your drawing then stick a candle inside and then light it. You could light the candle before placing it inside the pumpkin but I hold no responsibility for fires that may occur. Then get your wife who is a Photographer to take some "night" shots for the full effect.

Once you have completed the pumpkin then kick back and enjoy some yummy publix pumpkin ice cream.

My son is a what????

My Wife: The girls sounded like dragons at birth, This one sounds like a billy goat.

Future Profession: Arborist

I decided to put Aeralind in a tree and she liked it very muchly. I think if she had the chance, she would have climbed higher. Future profession choice maybe?

Pumpkins and Suitors

Derek, Derek pumpkin eater,
Had two girls and couldn't guard them.
So he stuffed them in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept them very well.

This should keep them safe from suitors.

Pink Retaliates

Members of Team pink did a sneak attack this morning. First, they drugged mommy so she was sleeping. Once daddy went outside to check the temperature they quickly locked him outside of the house. Once he was locked out they proceeded to go downstairs and try to dump water on their Father's computer.

Unfortunately for team Pink they failed to remove the spare key outside and their attack was defeated by me.

We have Victory!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday at 3:50 pm we received word that Team Blue would be acquiring much needed reinforcements in this war against pink. Sedryn Justice Colton Aldrich decided to grace us with his presence when he was least expected. With no nurses/doctors in the room he started coming and it not for the quick fingers of the first nurse in there he would have plopped head first onto the bed. He was a big baby weighing in at 8lbs 11oz and 21.5 inches long.

Lions in the Park

My daughters apparently have a penchant for seeing the strangest things in the oddest places. Most recently there has been an influx of lions at our nearby park.

I think it is a dog... but apparently they know better.

What's for Dinner?

The only thing worse than suitors is a band of hungry orcs when my sweet hobbit maidens are running around in the back yard. Thankfully it seems we were able to rescue her from the pot of doom before anything to bad happened.

The girls were doing what?

Melissa: The girls are wrestling right now.
Melissa: Aeralind is now on top of B touching her owls.
Me: umm.....

The girls before their knockdown, drag out fight.

I am a DADD

Someone linked this shirt to me. I think it sums up my thoughts perfectly.

You can buy it here.

Retro girls

For their birthday the girls were given a whole slew of head bands and sun glasses. They promptly decided to model them for us in their best imitation of the style from the 70's. I think this should also keep them safe from silly boys.

On the use of Bears

As the father of young girls I must always be on the lookout for ways to improve or modify my suitor defense plan. While at a recent visit to the park my daughters found the perfect creature for a job opening in my suitor defense plan. They were laying innocently in the grass waiting for some unsuspecting person to walk by. But when my daughters approached them, the bears let them go for a ride on their backs.

I think that they will be a nice addition to my suitor defense plan. The girls can have a fun pet to play with while any boys will be met with a fierce predator.

I was even able to get a picture of all my women riding the bear.

Tomatoes

I think the girls have a thing for tomatoes. What say you?

Mysterious White Powder

I came home from work today and upon entering the bathroom, I was greeted by this site on the floor.

This spawned the following conversation with my wife:

Me: Should I be concerned about the white powdery stuff on the floor?
Wife: Oh..... I've been trying to hide the girls cocaine habit, but now you know. (It's baking soda)

What's for dinner?

Sometimes, no matter how well we plan, dinner is a mess. We get home late and the food needs another 40 minutes to cook but you have hungry children and husband. What do you do in these desperate times? You have a reverse dinner where you serve the dessert first. This is especially a crowd pleaser when said dessert is yummy Publix Ice Cream.

Birthday Extravaganza

This past Sunday was the girls birthday and it was celebrated in style that leaned to neither pink or blue. The morning began with a warm cup of tea from their new set, which was mostly blue or green and only the pot pink. After we finished our tea party/breakfast we set off for downtown to feed the local wildlife. Safely held by their father the girls showed no fear when the sinister geese encroached on our space or the numerous pigeons swarmed us for a handout. We all were sad though that the poor ducks did not get to join in the festivities. After completing this mission we headed off to the fountains where the girls gleefully lost their clothing and tried to either drink or stop the fountain.

It truly was a fun day and I am glad they had a good birthday. It was also a solid victory for team blue and a miserable failure for those rooting for team pink.

How to feed Toddlers

Sometimes your child is just plain stubborn when it comes to eating their food. No matter what they do mid-eating they suddenly do not like it anymore. I present to you the cure in getting them to eat better. Alligators. It can also help if you chomp on them with the alligators as well.

Ice Cream Sandwiches

This week the girls decided for the special food to have Ice Cream Sandwiches. They were quick to point out that they need something extra so they chose some Spaghetti sauce from dinner.

Play Time

It seems that either side in this war has vastly different ideas on how to have fun. If you asked someone from team pink they would offer the following ideas:
1. Tea Party involving ghastly pink objects, fake tea, and intense conversations with stuffed animals.
2. Chatting about others in a gossipy manner, which is a sin.
3. Going shopping and asking that silly question, does this make me look fat? Of which there is only one answer.

Now, when Team Blue gets together for some fun they are much more active in a wholesome manner. We wrestle with each other or play manly sports that require physical activity and contact.

This isn't to say that I want my daughters to be wrestlers but having serious physical activity is good for you and can be a lot of fun. Like in the video below.

Weird Places to grow stuff

On why she needed her face cleaned:

She currently has a blackberry bush growing out of her nose.

Which I guess is better than the one who was apparently gold mining with a pretzel. The final resting place of the pretzel is unknown.

Food of the Week: Toddler Exia

This past week the girls have taken a new fondness to refusing certain foods. We their parents have decided that we will be more stubborn than them and win this battle. So, after giving them their food a 2nd and 3rd time we present them with something that while still filling is not high on their like scale. Today it was Cream of Wheat with a slice of plain bread.

Uses for Duck, Pt2

The second and final part in this series on alternate uses for duck. In this video my daughter shows how you can use the fowl as an effective means of smashing your food into little bits. She says that doing it on soft foods works best as harder foods can take longer to get suitable smashed.

Uses for Duck, Pt. 1

If you are one of those crazy people that do not like to consume duck then my daughters have some alternative ways to utilize this fowl creature. My daughter thought that the duck would make a great eating utensil, using it skillfully to get the food into her mouth without dirtying her hands. Truly ingenious I say.

Breakfast Foods

Breakfast is always an interesting ordeal in the Aldrich household though the food remains somewhat consistent, either oatmeal or eggs. This morning though I decided to try something different. They seemed rather excited about their new menu options.

How the girls see their daddy

This evening, as is typical in the Aldrich household, we were sitting there freely playing with our daughters. What was atypical though was that they had sugar in their dessert so Aeralind was much more squiggly than is normal. During this course of play time I was giving them their lessons on what certain objects are. When asked where the pants are, Bronwyn said: Daddy, Daddy and pointed right at my chest. To which I replied Yes daughter, I do wear the pants in this family.

A little later we were trying to help the girls identify that mommy is a woman and I am a man. It went well until Aeralind got to me. According to her I am a woman. I think we will need to work on that.

The tale of the Duck, Part 1

In the beginning the girls were given their baths in a duck and they enjoyed it. Occasionally the duck would quack and it made them happy. As the girls grew in size they outgrew the duck and they graduated to the full tub. Upon this graduation they received a small duck that failed at its purpose of telling the temperature. This week though we had to purchase a second duck because in a fit of rage they attacked each other over the duck. The saga ends over the dinner table.

Food of the Week

I thought that I would start a new blog series highlighting the different foods that my children present to us. Some maybe good, some bad.

The food for this week is considered a delicacy to some people. It is carefully mined in a dark, moist environment but unfortunately as it has a short shelf life,  it must be devoured quickly. Some people though may try to season it some to remove or change the flavor.

The above meal courtesy of Bronwyn and her nose.

Future Profession: EMT Surgeon

It seems that Aeralind has decided that when she is not looking for Biwds that she is going to help they needy by working as a doctor. Her most recent patient though left a little worse for the wear.

Dress up

This past weekend while in the girls room they found a pile of clothes we needed to get put away. But of course, they first had to see how many of those items they could wear at one time. Please note the outfit choices and it should be easy to guess which daughter chose me to put the clothes on her. See, great minds think alike. :D

Future Professions: Harmonica Player

The girls have recently found a harmonica and have taken great joy in playing with it. I will have to talk with Bronwyn though, her method of showing off her skills will be greatly disapproved of by her parents.

Unapproved Dates

This past week Bronwyn had her first unapproved date. While visiting some friends she was tired and saw a pack n play. Upon seeing this she was quick to climb into said pack n play to take a nap, oblivious about the poor boy who was trying to sleep. Thankfully though he was quick to point out, through some screams and yells, that someone was trying to be an interloper in his bed.

Genocide

This past evening my wife gave me full approval to commit genocide on a foul infestation on our property. No, it was not against males or team pink as the first would most likely end up in a long prison term and the latter she would probably not approve of. No, it was on a nest of insidious wasps on crack which are more commonly called Yellow Jackets.

I waited until evening and then snuck up to the in-ground nest armed with half of a bottle of bleach. Quickly pouring it down the hole which I then covered with a bucket. Hopefully this menace has been removed from the front yard so I can once again mow the lawn without fear of pain and injury.

Mis-heard

Sometimes what we think we heard isn't quite what was actually said.


Wife: Had 3 smokes today
Me: You had 3 today? Your pregnant and you don't smoke.
Wife: The baby wanted some cigarettes.  (While snorting chocolate smoothie out of her nose)

Independance Day

This is how Team Blue thinks is a good way to celebrate our nations birth.

Aeralind testing out the motorcycle before asking her daddy for help.

Me taking her out for a spin on the bike.

When Blue Strikes Back

There is a difference between my wife and I when we dress the girls. I generally dress them in neutral colors though sometimes I am forced to dress them in pink. One day though my wife forced poor Bronwyn to wear pink. Aeralind in an effort to save her sister from the dark side vaulted into her crib and tackled her to the ground. I am uncertain if she was successful or not though.

My wife on the kids.

No Aeralind, Bronwyn likes having her eyes out and about so she can see.

The Bannana is awake and wiggly.


I don't know what to say.

Horror of all horrors

It seems that something horrific has happened in our house. Our laundry has been over taken by pink. My wife informed me that between her and the girls they have enough pinks for a load all on their own. Do we really need that much pink in the house? On the positive side, now I don't have to worry about pink tainting any of my clothes in the wash.

To avoid the use of mind bleach by seeing that much pink, I shall give you a picture of a Scissor-Tailed Flycatcher.

On Buying Toys.

My daughters have shown us once again that buying toys is purely optional. They would love nothing more than to stack cans of food. Or maybe use them to hold their cup they are trying to drink from.

Suitor Defense: Bronwyn's Style

On Memorial Day weekend we visited the zoo with the in-laws and the girls greatly enjoyed themselves. During a brief respite in the play area though Bronwyn decided to employ some suitor  defense against a boy who dared try and come into her play area.


Apparently her and her sister were on the lookout for any boys who may dare approach them.

Bronwyn with her hawk-like eyes quickly spotted a boy who was attempting to approach them and was quick to tell him "NO!!!!!" with the corresponding sign.

The poor boy then left and went to do something else. He did try several times though and was soundly rebuffed by Bronwyn. They did though allow his younger sister to join them.

Team Blue though is happy to report that once the girls left they did allow him the use of the climbing toy. Now to wonder if she will continue with this suitor defense when she is older. But I am ready to step in with my Aircraft Carrier should things get out of control.

Gift Giving

This past week my wife had another twin mom over whose girls are a week older than ours. Moonbeam upon seeing this decided he ought to present these new people with a present for Team Blue. He was quite sad though that they did not appreciate the half-dead rabbit. Don't they know good taste when they see it? Since they rejected his present and went inside he ate it all by his poor self.

Year 2 in Review

It has come to my attention that I missed my two year blogaversary!   Please excuse my tardiness in preparing this year in review!

Last year I set out some high and lofty goals for my war against pink.

1. To continue supplementing my daughters wardrobe with feminine, but non-pink attire. Last year my efforts to increase the feminine but not pink wardrobe had a good reception. My wife was insisting on Ballerina outfits so we compromised and it was definitely in my favor. We did family pictures and to my joy we had NO pink on us. 

My daughters continued this trend of wearing cute but NOT PINK outfits throughout the year even when getting dirty.
Like Aeralind deciding to climb in a hole and eat the dirt around her.

And Bronwyn happily climbing rocks in the rock quarry:

To petition the government to remove pink as a color. While I was never able to send in a petition concerning the  HORRID color choice for a tax envelope it seems that someone in their office reads my blog. As the latest tax envelope was a bright yellow.

Definitely a much better color choice and more appealing to those of us who are sensitive about such things.

To procure a dragon to aid in suitor defense. 
Sadly the efforts to purchase a dragon was viciously shot down by the leader of Team Pink. Her primary reason was that unless I can afford 10 Hippopotamus'  a day we cannot get one. So therefore I went and re-structured my Suitor Defense Plan. The first was the creation of the Marriage Contract. As the number of boys that wanted to visit with my daughters dramatically decreased I would say this was a great success. Due to a pending addition to the family I also elected to purchase a small item to aid in suitor defense, an Aircraft Carrier. Aeralind also elected to do her own version of Suitor Defense, where she took on her Black Widow Ways and EATS the hapless man who offends her.

Additionally during this year, I made a new enemy that somehow was able to morph into many different things. The first, and most insidious was my banishment to the Doghouse for innocent comments on household roles.We apparently had 2 new creatures move into our house. The first being the ominous Crack with the second being large Termites. We also had many, many battles against the Dreaded foe Odus Media, which thankfully was banished in January.

 We did have one enemy outside the house that was an instant Prohibition that was quickly and easily agreed on by all parties involved. There are though pretty Yellow and Black Striped birdies so that makes up for it a little bit.

Photo courtesy of my Dad.

During the course of the year the girls dabbled in many different sorts of future professions. Their earliest involved being a Musician. Upon realizing how much work this would entail they thought of an easier profession, being a Treasure Hunter. Due to the risk of bug bites they then attempted their hand at Rock Climbing. After these though they each went their own way on possible professions. Bronwyn tried her hand at being a Broomstick Rider while Aeralind pondered the virtues of being a Carpenter. They both did enjoy being a Wine Tester though.

We, my wife and I that is, discussed the different ideas of play dates on one occasion. I decided to show her just what Team Blue thought was a suitable idea for one. The girls also decided a demonstration was in order of Thievery and Mischief.

Lastly we celebrated their first birthday with a lovely post on our Survival and fed the girls Chocolate Cake for breakfast.
Finally....

In this next year I plan to further the cause of Team Blue while trying to fight the indomitable presence of Team Pink. I also hope that I will be able to welcome a new addition to Team Blue but that is unknown until the little one gets here. There was a bit of encouraging news though when the smallest members of team pink went on a Ride on the Wild Side