Saturday, December 3, 2011

How to be a Womanizer

My dear son has apparently become quite the womanizer already so I thought I would him to tell us just how he pulls it off.

1. Get your picture posted all over facebook. Include shots of you laying in an apple basket. (word will spread about your cuteness)

2. Attend gatherings of women. Christmas parties, MOPS, and the children's museum are excellent places to pick up the chicks.

3. If you like younger women, wear monsters, or lions, or elephants, or monkeys, or other creatures on your clothing.  They will find them irresistible and will come over and paw at you shrieking "Monkey!" or whatever is appropriate.  You'll feel like a rock star. (They may also cause you pain... I'm not always the fan of the younger ladies.)

 4. If you want the older women, start by grooming yourself well.  Let me give it to you straight: don't be afraid to rock the 'hawk. An utterly amazing mohawk works wonders.  (baby lotion on wet hair makes an awesome strokable 'hawk')

5. When you find yourself in the arms of a woman, lay on the lip quiver thick.  They either think you're cold (and hold you closer:bonus!) or think it's so cute that exclaim in awe demanding that their nearest girl friends come look at you.  You want all the nearest girlfriends to look at you.  It gives you options if things with the first girl don't work out.

6. And finally, wear New Baby Scent Cologne.  It attracks the women like nothing else.  They'll pick you up out of seats to snuggle and be with you.

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