What is sitting where?

I really don't know what to think of this comment made this morning.

There is a sewage treatment plant sitting on my legs..... It kind of feels nice.

Unutterable words

Their are certain words that a father of young girls never wants to hear. The top one is: Dad, I am pregnant. This is exactly what my daughter told me Sunday when I got her up from her nap and she is apparently quite far along already.

For those curious, she is apparently have a pink kitty like the one painted on her face.

Suitor Defense: Aeralind's Style

As we all know, pink has no real concept of suitor defense. There idea is to throw the poor girl out into the world with only the most basic instructions. Knowing this, Aeralind has taken matters into her own hands.

An abomination

The art of shooting has always been a manly sport. Therefore it was with utter horror that I saw this abomination to the sport. I mean really, how can you hide from the deer with such a bright, hideous gun.

On good eating habits

As parents we are all tasked with teaching our children good eating habits. This is something we have endeavored to do with our girls and we occasionally let them do a little shopping of their own. Here are their healthy choices that they picked out at the store and bought.

Aeralinds basket was not that big but full of sugar.

If the items are hard to read they are:
Banana Pops
Frosted Flakes
Honey Bungs
Cream Cheese
Shredded Cheese
Strawberry Pop-tarts
1 Tomato
1 Head of Broccoli.
1 Green Pepper

Bronwyn went all out with her food shopping, picking out yummy nutritious meals.

The items are:
Shredded Cheese
1 Pineapple
1 Apricot
1 peach
Cream Cheese
Cheese
1 Banana
1 Bag of Lentils
Frozen Bagels
Frozen Blueberry Waffles
Lime Sherbert
Banana Pops


As you can see we have our work cut out for us. Especially since the girls have never eaten 95% of the stuff they picked out.

Wife Stealer

We have always known that Sedryn has womanizing ways, but this evening at his birthday party he went to far. He tried to lure my wife away from me with chocolate. Whatever will I do with this child.

A First Birthday

Generally when a boy celebrates his first birthday he is given boyish sorts of things. Like the gifts that the girls gave him of toy cars and a dinosaur. What does the other member of team pink give him? A blue striped pair of pajama's with PINK flowers on them. Sigh, he must be a very strong young man to be able to withstand all the pinkness he is surrounded by.

Danger Scale: Vaulting

Really, what could possibly go wrong with this? I mean, how else can I they train for the 2028 olympics.

Oh, The horror!!!!!!!!!!

When it comes to the girls room I made a terrible error. I made the critical mistake of letting the girls decide the paint color for the light. Rather than picking a nice, neutral color, they picked bright pink. To make matters worse, my desk is still stuck in the room. Hopefully soon I can find a new office in a room that is not so hideously colored.

 

A Just Punishment

Today before our trip to the museum I told the girls to go get dressed while I did other stuff. This was a big mistake as the outfits they came out wearing were definitely not on the Team Blue approved list. Due to their crimes I locked them up in the grey-bar hotel, only releasing them for meals and hard labor.

It seems though that only Aeralind has learned her lesson and is wearing something Blue Approved.

Chilren's books

Want to know what to expect when your child is in school? Look no further than this book. Now to find out where to sign up my daughters. I am sure that they will learn a lot of valuable life skills.

Hygiene

Recently I became aware of yet another sinister plot by those on team pink. Upon casually mentioning to my wife that I stunk needed a shower she curtly replied: "No, you don't smell like a dead, rotting elephant yet." She continued that poor, little Sedryn isn't even immune as she is currently growing some sort of culture in his neck folds. Thankfully I was able to clean those out the next time I was to feed him.

So, apparently while pink must bathe at the slightest hint of possible being dirty us men can only bathe when we can be smelled from miles away. Just what are they attempting to do with this latest endeavor? I guess I will be taking a lot of forbidden showers to avoid looking, and smelling, like this.

Father's Day Meal

It seems that my children decided to have a meal for Father's day a few days early this year, which is ok as I got the gift a week ago. I get home from work on Friday to find a piece of paper on the door inviting me to a Tea Party of all things. This is Father's day, not some girly picnic. Apparently team pink has chosen to not give me a typical Father's day. Instead Sedryn and I had to suffer through a tea party with very girly items to eat. I thought we ate Steak and Potatoes, or something else that is manly, for Father's Day. And relegate Tea Parties for Mother's day or girls birthdays.

Daddy Time

From Melissa to Aeralind:

Ya know Aeralind, next time don't split your egg if you do not want to share daddy.


Good to know they can hit rewind to start over.

Swimming Atire

With the warmer weather we yet again are faced with the issue of what to let the girls swim in. This is getting increasingly more and more difficult as women bathing suits are getting smaller and smaller.

Before we could make our decision I had to do some research on what would be suitable for the girls to wear. My first choice was something from the 1920's but I was quick to realize that they were not modest at all. Look at all that leg showing... and those shoulders. Utterly scandalous.

Going back a couple decades though I found something that could be suitable. It is completely modest and there is almost nothing that would cause a boy to pursue them.

Of course, their could be some boys that are drawn to women in bulky clothing, then I would bring out this to ensure their complete modesty while they were swimming.

A bathing machine. A way for the girls to swim in the water in complete modesty and I won't have to worry about mischievous boys who are up to no good.



All pictures from: http://www.victoriana.com/library/Beach/FashionableBathingSuits.htm. 

What's for dinner mommy?

I just ate a fruit fly. Sorry Sedryn, you will be eating it later.

On Passing

I am very concerned for the newest member of team blue. Yesterday he apparently passed a leaf.  Just what is pink forcing my poor son to eat?

Rabbits

Last year I made a post on the girls experience with seeing the cat catch and eat an animal. In the time since that post much, apparently much has changed with the girls This past week as I was getting their breakfast ready I heard them cry "Bunny, Bunny" and looked out the back door to see our cat about to eat a small rabbit. I was even able to record some of their glee and excitement over this gruesome ordeal.
(Warning: Below video features blood, guts, and the dismembering of a helpless but dead animal)

At first, I thought this was a one time thing but that idea lasted until the next morning. Sunday morning was warm so we ate outside and once again Moonbeam had a rabbit. I was then promptly regalled with the following girlish phrases:
"Take it off, Take if off" - Referring the rabbits fur.
"Take it out, Take it out" - Referring to his eyeballs.
Monday morning brought much mourning from the girls when they realized the cat did not have a rabbit to eat while they had breakfast.

I thought I was raising girls, I really did. I do not know where they learned violent nature so it must be ingrained in pink.

A tasty Dilemna

We recently took an spontaneous vacation to Gatlinburg so the girls could visit the aquarium there. While at the aquarium though, I had a conundrum. Normally most anything pink is hated and sent to the circular file. But what do you do when said pink object is a crab the size of a hubcap? I suppose in this case I can the only good use for this pink item is for dinner.

Twitchy, Wiggly Tummies

Over the past few weeks I have noticed a sudden and marked increase in my appetite. Since I had no noticeable weight gain, I went to see the doctor. After being poked and prodded incessantly, he pronounced me as being healthy. Unfortunately immediately afterwords there was a large twitch in my belly and the doctor promptly sent me to a specialist for more tests. The specialist he sent me to was a bit of a surprise but I went, since I knew the doctor knew best. While their he pulled out this special contraption to take good look at my innards. It was at this point that both I and the doctor fainted in shock. Apparently, I am expecting triplet girls. Why oh Why is pink doing this to me. ;)

Danger Scale: Pantry Raiders

Because we all know that nothing dangerous is ever left in the pantry. Who doesn't let their 13 month old climb in the pantry and rearrange it?

How do you rate this?

Aeralind and the Black Widow

It is the greatest fear of any parent that their child will meet a black widow. But what do you say when your daughter becomes one? The girls both love the Noodlebug series of videos, to the point of requesting the music dvd being played for their wake-up music. We thought life was good until Melissa took the girls for a walk and Aeralind spotted a "Noodlebug" on the ground. Rather than saying a nice "hello" she jumped on the bug with all her righteous fury yelling: "Die Noodlebug, Die." This has me concerned about any males that may decide to get close to her.... Or maybe it will be a good thing as far as suitor defense goes. For those interested, you can find the movies below:

Don't most parents let their children climb on top of their play house? It is perfectly safe, isn't it?
(I actually was concerned about them doing this and only let them get up their for the shot.)

How would you rate this?

Princess Books

In a similar vein of my prior post on Children's books, this one also involves a Princess. Unlike the last one though, this one does not obfuscate the blueness found within. Once upon a cool motorcycle dude involves a boy and a girl sharing a fairy tale. The girl brings in the princess, who for once isn't attacked by a dragon, while the boy brings in the strong hero.

Really, the book is good and quite funny. I would encourage you to get and read the book to your children.

Danger Scale: Tunnel Diving

A good friend of Melissa's gave us a playset for the girls. For the longest time we had the tunnel flat to the ground for safety reasons. Last fall I decided that they were big enough so I moved the tunnel to its normal position. The below pictures are a montage of the first thing they did with their new tunnel. Yes, they really are going through it face first. What could possibly go wrong with the ensuing 2 foot drop face first onto solid ground.

What is for Breakfast?

I have taken to asking the girls what they want for breakfast in the morning and let them choose between eggs or oatmeal, with various mixings. I thought I would chronicle some of the rejected ideas for breakfast though:

1. Brother
2. Brother's Toes
3. Poop
4. Cockroaches
5. Sister

Obviously, as the above choices do not meet Federal Dietary guidelines I had to refuse them. The poor girls were heartbroken.

Boycotting Valentines Day

From a young age we in America have it ingrained in our heads that Valentines day is a day of love and we MUST give gifts to people of the other gender. The boys are instructed that they have to give gifts and women are raised expecting to be lavishly given gifts on this day. If the man forgets to give a gift, or if said gift is found lacking in any way, then he will quickly be banished to the doghouse until the women decides her man's punishment is over. This could be a matter of days or even years. It is for this reason that I am happy that Melissa informed me before our 1st Valentines Day that I better not give her anything, a tradition I have continued since then. Hopefully I can also pass this on to my children as well.

I have a question though, why do we do this? Why are we forced into this over-commercialized holiday in the hopes that it can bring satisfaction and happiness to our Significant other? Should we not instead shower gifts on our spouses at random times throughout the year? It certainly would be cheaper on our checking account if we did.

Secondly, St. Valentine was one of several martyr's named Valentine who were all killed for the cause of Christ. Why don't we talk about that on Valentines Day? Espouse the principle of standing for your convictions and what you believe in even if it means death. It seems to me that is the message we should be talking about rather than this blatantly commercialized {pink} holiday.

Crazy Speak: Toddler Honesty

Mommy: What did you do with Daddy this morning?
Bronwyn: I push.
M: You pushed Aeralind?
B: Yes.
M: Were you playing and she liked it?  Or were you being mean?
B: I mean :-D

Hugs

There are sweet, gentle hugs. Then, there are the WWWF style hugs. I think these would fall under the latter type.

Danger Scale: Slides

Who doesn't like sliding down a slide backwards at 13 months? I mean, she couldn't possibly get hurt, could she?

Please vote below and post in the comments why you chose that rating. Thanks.

How would your rate this?

Public Enemy #1

It seems that my suitor defense has already discovered who will be Public Enemy #1. One of my wife's good friends has a son who is a year older than the girls. He has always flirted and been nice to Aeralind but he has started to treat them both as ladies. What is unacceptable though is that the girls have taken to walking around the house stating the following:

*Brady* *Becca's House* *Uh huh* All the while with a big smile/grin on their faces.

I thought I would have a few more years before the first crush, but alas it seems I was wrong. Guess I will need to dust off that suitor defense plan earlier than expected.

Danger Scale: Ladder Climbing

Because there is nothing that could possibly happen to them while they climb a ladder with holes bigger than they are.

Please rate this activity

There is WHAT in your ball pit?

Mommy! Mommy! There is a monster in our Ball Pit. Help Me!!! He is Fierce.

Danger Scale: Flying Fish

Because every 1 year old needs to be tossed around a pool with no life preserver on.

Rate on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being immanent death.

Please Rate this

Strange Sounds

I think they are stripping their bed. It sounds like they are wrestling a hippopotamus in there.

Danger Scale: Shuttle Launch

At 17 months old Bronwyn thought it would be a fun thing to go climb on the space shuttle all by herself.When that wasn't enough she proceeded to stand in the seat and wave to mommy and her sister.

Please rate this on a scale of 1-10. With 10 being death is imminent.

How would you rate this?

Danger Scale: Sleeping in a Hammock

Please note that she is 16 months old in this picture and she is sleeping on the edge of the hammock.

Please vote below on how you would rate this activity with 10 being death is imminent.

Rating Scale