Derek and his Women

Boycotting Valentines Day

2012-02-14T06:15:00.000-05:00

From a young age we in America have it ingrained in our heads that Valentines day is a day of love and we MUST give gifts to people of the other gender. The boys are instructed that they have to give gifts and women are raised expecting to be lavishly given gifts on this day. If the man forgets to give a gift, or if said gift is found lacking in any way, then he will quickly be banished to the doghouse until the women decides her man's punishment is over. This could be a matter of days or even years. It is for this reason that I am happy that Melissa informed me before our 1st Valentines Day that I better not give her anything, a tradition I have continued since then. Hopefully I can also pass this on to my children as well.

I have a question though, why do we do this? Why are we forced into this over-commercialized holiday in the hopes that it can bring satisfaction and happiness to our Significant other? Should we not instead shower gifts on our spouses at random times throughout the year? It certainly would be cheaper on our checking account if we did.

Secondly, St. Valentine was one of several martyr's named Valentine who were all killed for the cause of Christ. Why don't we talk about that on Valentines Day? Espouse the principle of standing for your convictions and what you believe in even if it means death. It seems to me that is the message we should be talking about rather than this blatantly commercialized {pink} holiday.

Crazy Speak: Toddler Honesty

2012-02-13T10:54:00.000-05:00

Mommy: What did you do with Daddy this morning?
Bronwyn: I push.
M: You pushed Aeralind?
B: Yes.
M: Were you playing and she liked it? Or were you being mean?
B: I mean :-D

Hugs

2012-02-13T06:52:00.000-05:00

There are sweet, gentle hugs. Then, there are the WWWF style hugs. I think these would fall under the latter type.

Danger Scale: Slides

2012-02-03T14:25:00.000-05:00

Who doesn't like sliding down a slide backwards at 13 months? I mean, she couldn't possibly get hurt, could she?

Please vote below and post in the comments why you chose that rating. Thanks.

Public Enemy #1

2012-01-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

It seems that my suitor defense has already discovered who will be Public Enemy #1. One of my wife's good friends has a son who is a year older than the girls. He has always flirted and been nice to Aeralind but he has started to treat them both as ladies. What is unacceptable though is that the girls have taken to walking around the house stating the following:

*Brady* *Becca's House* *Uh huh* All the while with a big smile/grin on their faces.

I thought I would have a few more years before the first crush, but alas it seems I was wrong. Guess I will need to dust off that suitor defense plan earlier than expected.

Danger Scale: Ladder Climbing

2012-01-26T14:43:00.000-05:00

Because there is nothing that could possibly happen to them while they climb a ladder with holes bigger than they are.

There is WHAT in your ball pit?

2012-01-21T14:53:00.001-05:00

Mommy! Mommy! There is a monster in our Ball Pit. Help Me!!! He is Fierce.

Danger Scale: Flying Fish

2012-01-16T11:12:00.001-05:00

Because every 1 year old needs to be tossed around a pool with no life preserver on.

Rate on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being immanent death.

Strange Sounds

2012-01-14T18:13:00.003-05:00

I think they are stripping their bed. It sounds like they are wrestling a hippopotamus in there.

Danger Scale: Shuttle Launch

2012-01-12T20:49:00.000-05:00

At 17 months old Bronwyn thought it would be a fun thing to go climb on the space shuttle all by herself.When that wasn't enough she proceeded to stand in the seat and wave to mommy and her sister.

Please rate this on a scale of 1-10. With 10 being death is imminent.

Danger Scale: Sleeping in a Hammock

2012-01-05T17:02:00.000-05:00

Please note that she is 16 months old in this picture and she is sleeping on the edge of the hammock.

Please vote below on how you would rate this activity with 10 being death is imminent.

Crazy Speak: Sleeping Around

2011-12-23T16:21:00.005-05:00

Melissa asking Bronwyn why she is curled up with the Peanut Butter.

Are you sleeping with the peanut butter?

Say What?!

2011-12-21T09:44:00.001-05:00

I saw the above sign while driving the a rural area near my house and had to stop to take a picture. Apparently it is a Bluegrass Music Festival. Definitely sounds like a fun activity for the family, hopefully they don't keep skunks in cages there. Else it may get smelly.

Danger Scale: Tree Hugger

2011-12-17T19:43:00.000-05:00

She is 8 feet up in the tree and quite happy about being up there. Any suggestion of getting her down was met with a stern NO!!!!!!.

Please rate this in the comments due to poll malfunction.

Danger Scale: Fireplace as a Playplace

2011-12-10T13:01:00.001-05:00

Playing in the Fireplace.... Completely safe for any child. Right?

Future Profession: Crane Operator

2011-12-10T11:21:00.001-05:00

Aeralind working on her dexterity while trying to learn how to run a crane. She mentioned something about needing to bury pink stuff in the back yard but wasn't to clear.

Danger Scales

2011-12-09T16:43:00.001-05:00

Anyone who has children has an inherent danger scale when it comes to what their children can and cannot do. To some parents, they would happily let their children walk a tightrope across a ravine at age 3. While with others the mere thought of their child leaving their well-padded home in anything but full protective armour leaves them in hysteria.With this in mind I present to you readers a series of posts where I request your input in how you would rate some of the activities that my daughters have gotten up to lately. A vote of 1 is no danger while 10 is running around frantically waving my arms in the air screaming for help.

Here is the first one. In this picture Aeralind decided to inform us that she could remove her diaper all by herself.

How to be a Womanizer

2011-12-03T20:56:00.001-05:00

My dear son has apparently become quite the womanizer already so I thought I would him to tell us just how he pulls it off.

1. Get your picture posted all over facebook. Include shots of you laying in an apple basket. (word will spread about your cuteness)

2. Attend gatherings of women. Christmas parties, MOPS, and the children's museum are excellent places to pick up the chicks.

3. If you like younger women, wear monsters, or lions, or elephants, or monkeys, or other creatures on your clothing. They will find them irresistible and will come over and paw at you shrieking "Monkey!" or whatever is appropriate. You'll feel like a rock star. (They may also cause you pain... I'm not always the fan of the younger ladies.)

4. If you want the older women, start by grooming yourself well. Let me give it to you straight: don't be afraid to rock the 'hawk. An utterly amazing mohawk works wonders. (baby lotion on wet hair makes an awesome strokable 'hawk')

5. When you find yourself in the arms of a woman, lay on the lip quiver thick. They either think you're cold (and hold you closer:bonus!) or think it's so cute that exclaim in awe demanding that their nearest girl friends come look at you. You want all the nearest girlfriends to look at you. It gives you options if things with the first girl don't work out.

6. And finally, wear New Baby Scent Cologne. It attracks the women like nothing else. They'll pick you up out of seats to snuggle and be with you.

A most Heinous Torture

2011-12-03T19:16:00.001-05:00

It seems that members of Team Pink have taken to torturing the newest member of Team Blue. They take great pride in coming to the happy baby sucking on his pacifier and viciously tearing it from his mouth. Then when he starts to cry they start hitting him under the guise of burping him. Why can't they pick on someone their own size.

So my Daughter pet a boy today.....

2011-12-02T21:50:00.001-05:00

And I was completely ok with it. His name is Bruce though Aeralind wasn't all that keen.

The Gobble Gobble Wobble

2011-11-21T21:54:00.001-05:00

The new Thanksgiving theme song, courtesy of Mathew West on the K-Love Morning show. Matthew West "Gobble Gobble" by K-LOVE Radio

Pink's Sinister Side

2011-11-19T20:01:00.001-05:00

With the birth of our son certain members of Team Pink have taken on a more drastic role in making Team Blue miserable. The following is a short compendium of what they have accomplished to date on his month birthday.

1. Pillage his toy basket and steal his chicken from the car seat.
2. Give asphyxiating hugs and affection.

3. Use the car seat as a foot rest making the poor boy smell their stinky feet.
4. Steal his pacifier from his mouth and then wonder why he is crying.
5. Attempt to feed him Animal Crackers or Buttons.
6. Try to smother the baby by piling tons of stuff on him.

Standing the Test of Time

2011-11-13T13:11:00.001-05:00

No matter which side of this issue you may find yourself on, there is one true test of which color is better. Only after leaving the item out for a year can you then know which one is stronger, bolder, and more resistant to the changing weather patterns. A year ago each of the girls got a lawnmower for their birthday that they are now enjoying whenever outside, and me thinking when they can really mow the lawn. I present to you the final outcome in this test and let you be the judge.

Accessories

2011-11-10T02:30:00.000-05:00

The girls decided that they needed to accessorize their brothers chair.

The Duck is for bath time so you are not lonely
The Ham is to eat with the donut
The Elephant is for giving elephants
The Doll is for snuggles
The Prayer book is so he can learn to give thanks

Future Profession: Doctor

2011-11-09T21:37:00.001-05:00

We have taken to using Vaseline over Diaper rash cream on the girls and they now ask for their Med'cine. Yesterday, a great travesty occurred when Aeralind's Pun'kin got a broken stem. They decided to "fix" the issue by giving him some of their Med'cine.

Birth Story v2

2011-10-31T01:00:00.000-04:00

It was a dark and stormy night when there arose a cry from a nearby house. Not one of panic, but of pain as the baby decided that it was time for him to enter the world. After consulting with her husband they set off for the local delivery place. After many hours of trying labor the baby sprang forth to peals of thunder and flashes of lightning.

Who knew that is how mummies spring forth.

Carving Pupmkins

2011-10-28T20:17:00.001-04:00

Carving a pumpkin can always be a fun endevour. But before you begin you need to gather up the tools that you will need.

Besides the obvious need of a pumpkin you will need a knife, a pattern, and a drill.

After carving an opening in the top get your young children to make a mess with the insides. As they have a natural proclivity of making messes then this task should be quite enjoyable for them.

Once the innards have been removed then you need to apply the pattern to the pumpkin. Duct Tape works quite well for this. Then poke along the edges with a sharp metal implement of your choosing. In this case I used a fondue fork, which unfortunately became a casualty of the evening.

Once you have sketched out the pattern then proceed to carve it using either a knife or your drill. The knife will get the job done but is slower and more boring than using a drill.

Once you have completed your drawing then stick a candle inside and then light it. You could light the candle before placing it inside the pumpkin but I hold no responsibility for fires that may occur. Then get your wife who is a Photographer to take some "night" shots for the full effect.

Once you have completed the pumpkin then kick back and enjoy some yummy publix pumpkin ice cream.

My son is a what????

2011-10-27T15:49:00.003-04:00

My Wife: The girls sounded like dragons at birth, This one sounds like a billy goat.

Future Profession: Arborist

2011-10-26T03:30:00.000-04:00

I decided to put Aeralind in a tree and she liked it very muchly. I think if she had the chance, she would have climbed higher. Future profession choice maybe?

Pumpkins and Suitors

2011-10-25T21:24:00.001-04:00

Derek, Derek pumpkin eater,
Had two girls and couldn't guard them.
So he stuffed them in a pumpkin shell,
And there he kept them very well.

This should keep them safe from suitors.

Pink Retaliates

2011-10-22T14:01:00.000-04:00

Members of Team pink did a sneak attack this morning. First, they drugged mommy so she was sleeping. Once daddy went outside to check the temperature they quickly locked him outside of the house. Once he was locked out they proceeded to go downstairs and try to dump water on their Father's computer.

Unfortunately for team Pink they failed to remove the spare key outside and their attack was defeated by me.

We have Victory!!!!!!!!!!

2011-10-20T21:16:00.001-04:00

Yesterday at 3:50 pm we received word that Team Blue would be acquiring much needed reinforcements in this war against pink. Sedryn Justice Colton Aldrich decided to grace us with his presence when he was least expected. With no nurses/doctors in the room he started coming and it not for the quick fingers of the first nurse in there he would have plopped head first onto the bed. He was a big baby weighing in at 8lbs 11oz and 21.5 inches long.

Lions in the Park

2011-10-18T06:00:00.000-04:00

My daughters apparently have a penchant for seeing the strangest things in the oddest places. Most recently there has been an influx of lions at our nearby park.

I think it is a dog... but apparently they know better.

What's for Dinner?

2011-10-17T11:51:00.000-04:00

The only thing worse than suitors is a band of hungry orcs when my sweet hobbit maidens are running around in the back yard. Thankfully it seems we were able to rescue her from the pot of doom before anything to bad happened.

The girls were doing what?

2011-10-16T07:58:00.000-04:00

Melissa: The girls are wrestling right now.
Melissa: Aeralind is now on top of B touching her owls.
Me: umm.....

The girls before their knockdown, drag out fight.

I am a DADD

2011-10-15T07:58:00.000-04:00

Someone linked this shirt to me. I think it sums up my thoughts perfectly.

You can buy it here.

Retro girls

2011-10-14T15:45:00.003-04:00

For their birthday the girls were given a whole slew of head bands and sun glasses. They promptly decided to model them for us in their best imitation of the style from the 70's. I think this should also keep them safe from silly boys.

On the use of Bears

2011-10-13T22:07:00.000-04:00

As the father of young girls I must always be on the lookout for ways to improve or modify my suitor defense plan. While at a recent visit to the park my daughters found the perfect creature for a job opening in my suitor defense plan. They were laying innocently in the grass waiting for some unsuspecting person to walk by. But when my daughters approached them, the bears let them go for a ride on their backs.

I think that they will be a nice addition to my suitor defense plan. The girls can have a fun pet to play with while any boys will be met with a fierce predator.

I was even able to get a picture of all my women riding the bear.

Tomatoes

2011-10-08T15:40:00.001-04:00

I think the girls have a thing for tomatoes. What say you?

Mysterious White Powder

2011-10-04T21:32:00.003-04:00

I came home from work today and upon entering the bathroom, I was greeted by this site on the floor.

This spawned the following conversation with my wife:

Me: Should I be concerned about the white powdery stuff on the floor?
Wife: Oh..... I've been trying to hide the girls cocaine habit, but now you know. (It's baking soda)

What's for dinner?

2011-09-23T21:23:00.001-04:00

Sometimes, no matter how well we plan, dinner is a mess. We get home late and the food needs another 40 minutes to cook but you have hungry children and husband. What do you do in these desperate times? You have a reverse dinner where you serve the dessert first. This is especially a crowd pleaser when said dessert is yummy Publix Ice Cream.

Birthday Extravaganza

2011-09-13T21:26:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday was the girls birthday and it was celebrated in style that leaned to neither pink or blue. The morning began with a warm cup of tea from their new set, which was mostly blue or green and only the pot pink. After we finished our tea party/breakfast we set off for downtown to feed the local wildlife. Safely held by their father the girls showed no fear when the sinister geese encroached on our space or the numerous pigeons swarmed us for a handout. We all were sad though that the poor ducks did not get to join in the festivities. After completing this mission we headed off to the fountains where the girls gleefully lost their clothing and tried to either drink or stop the fountain.

It truly was a fun day and I am glad they had a good birthday. It was also a solid victory for team blue and a miserable failure for those rooting for team pink.

How to feed Toddlers

2011-09-05T10:36:00.000-04:00

Sometimes your child is just plain stubborn when it comes to eating their food. No matter what they do mid-eating they suddenly do not like it anymore. I present to you the cure in getting them to eat better. Alligators. It can also help if you chomp on them with the alligators as well.

Ice Cream Sandwiches

2011-09-03T14:43:00.001-04:00

This week the girls decided for the special food to have Ice Cream Sandwiches. They were quick to point out that they need something extra so they chose some Spaghetti sauce from dinner.

Play Time

2011-09-02T08:43:00.002-04:00

It seems that either side in this war has vastly different ideas on how to have fun. If you asked someone from team pink they would offer the following ideas:
1. Tea Party involving ghastly pink objects, fake tea, and intense conversations with stuffed animals.
2. Chatting about others in a gossipy manner, which is a sin.
3. Going shopping and asking that silly question, does this make me look fat? Of which there is only one answer.

Now, when Team Blue gets together for some fun they are much more active in a wholesome manner. We wrestle with each other or play manly sports that require physical activity and contact.

This isn't to say that I want my daughters to be wrestlers but having serious physical activity is good for you and can be a lot of fun. Like in the video below.

Weird Places to grow stuff

2011-08-28T12:09:00.002-04:00

On why she needed her face cleaned:

She currently has a blackberry bush growing out of her nose.

Which I guess is better than the one who was apparently gold mining with a pretzel. The final resting place of the pretzel is unknown.

Food of the Week: Toddler Exia

2011-08-22T22:07:00.000-04:00

This past week the girls have taken a new fondness to refusing certain foods. We their parents have decided that we will be more stubborn than them and win this battle. So, after giving them their food a 2nd and 3rd time we present them with something that while still filling is not high on their like scale. Today it was Cream of Wheat with a slice of plain bread.

Uses for Duck, Pt2

2011-08-20T10:16:00.001-04:00

The second and final part in this series on alternate uses for duck. In this video my daughter shows how you can use the fowl as an effective means of smashing your food into little bits. She says that doing it on soft foods works best as harder foods can take longer to get suitable smashed.

Uses for Duck, Pt. 1

2011-08-19T21:28:00.000-04:00

If you are one of those crazy people that do not like to consume duck then my daughters have some alternative ways to utilize this fowl creature. My daughter thought that the duck would make a great eating utensil, using it skillfully to get the food into her mouth without dirtying her hands. Truly ingenious I say.

Breakfast Foods

2011-08-15T22:18:00.000-04:00

Breakfast is always an interesting ordeal in the Aldrich household though the food remains somewhat consistent, either oatmeal or eggs. This morning though I decided to try something different. They seemed rather excited about their new menu options.

How the girls see their daddy

2011-08-11T20:50:00.000-04:00

This evening, as is typical in the Aldrich household, we were sitting there freely playing with our daughters. What was atypical though was that they had sugar in their dessert so Aeralind was much more squiggly than is normal. During this course of play time I was giving them their lessons on what certain objects are. When asked where the pants are, Bronwyn said: Daddy, Daddy and pointed right at my chest. To which I replied Yes daughter, I do wear the pants in this family.

A little later we were trying to help the girls identify that mommy is a woman and I am a man. It went well until Aeralind got to me. According to her I am a woman. I think we will need to work on that.

The tale of the Duck, Part 1

2011-08-10T17:15:00.008-04:00

In the beginning the girls were given their baths in a duck and they enjoyed it. Occasionally the duck would quack and it made them happy. As the girls grew in size they outgrew the duck and they graduated to the full tub. Upon this graduation they received a small duck that failed at its purpose of telling the temperature. This week though we had to purchase a second duck because in a fit of rage they attacked each other over the duck. The saga ends over the dinner table.

Food of the Week

2011-08-07T09:47:00.000-04:00

I thought that I would start a new blog series highlighting the different foods that my children present to us. Some maybe good, some bad.

The food for this week is considered a delicacy to some people. It is carefully mined in a dark, moist environment but unfortunately as it has a short shelf life, it must be devoured quickly. Some people though may try to season it some to remove or change the flavor.

The above meal courtesy of Bronwyn and her nose.

Future Profession: EMT Surgeon

2011-08-06T07:33:00.000-04:00

It seems that Aeralind has decided that when she is not looking for Biwds that she is going to help they needy by working as a doctor. Her most recent patient though left a little worse for the wear.

Dress up

2011-08-05T15:22:00.001-04:00

This past weekend while in the girls room they found a pile of clothes we needed to get put away. But of course, they first had to see how many of those items they could wear at one time. Please note the outfit choices and it should be easy to guess which daughter chose me to put the clothes on her. See, great minds think alike. :D

Future Professions: Harmonica Player

2011-08-04T20:12:00.000-04:00

The girls have recently found a harmonica and have taken great joy in playing with it. I will have to talk with Bronwyn though, her method of showing off her skills will be greatly disapproved of by her parents.

Unapproved Dates

2011-07-30T14:56:00.000-04:00

This past week Bronwyn had her first unapproved date. While visiting some friends she was tired and saw a pack n play. Upon seeing this she was quick to climb into said pack n play to take a nap, oblivious about the poor boy who was trying to sleep. Thankfully though he was quick to point out, through some screams and yells, that someone was trying to be an interloper in his bed.

Genocide

2011-07-17T13:44:00.000-04:00

This past evening my wife gave me full approval to commit genocide on a foul infestation on our property. No, it was not against males or team pink as the first would most likely end up in a long prison term and the latter she would probably not approve of. No, it was on a nest of insidious wasps on crack which are more commonly called Yellow Jackets.

I waited until evening and then snuck up to the in-ground nest armed with half of a bottle of bleach. Quickly pouring it down the hole which I then covered with a bucket. Hopefully this menace has been removed from the front yard so I can once again mow the lawn without fear of pain and injury.

Mis-heard

2011-07-13T21:50:00.000-04:00

Sometimes what we think we heard isn't quite what was actually said.

Wife: Had 3 smokes today
Me: You had 3 today? Your pregnant and you don't smoke.
Wife: The baby wanted some cigarettes. (While snorting chocolate smoothie out of her nose)

Independance Day

2011-07-09T09:34:00.000-04:00

This is how Team Blue thinks is a good way to celebrate our nations birth.

Aeralind testing out the motorcycle before asking her daddy for help.

Me taking her out for a spin on the bike.

When Blue Strikes Back

2011-07-02T08:56:00.000-04:00

There is a difference between my wife and I when we dress the girls. I generally dress them in neutral colors though sometimes I am forced to dress them in pink. One day though my wife forced poor Bronwyn to wear pink. Aeralind in an effort to save her sister from the dark side vaulted into her crib and tackled her to the ground. I am uncertain if she was successful or not though.

My wife on the kids.

2011-07-01T13:17:00.000-04:00

No Aeralind, Bronwyn likes having her eyes out and about so she can see.

The Bannana is awake and wiggly.

I don't know what to say.

Horror of all horrors

2011-07-01T12:55:00.000-04:00

It seems that something horrific has happened in our house. Our laundry has been over taken by pink. My wife informed me that between her and the girls they have enough pinks for a load all on their own. Do we really need that much pink in the house? On the positive side, now I don't have to worry about pink tainting any of my clothes in the wash.

To avoid the use of mind bleach by seeing that much pink, I shall give you a picture of a Scissor-Tailed Flycatcher.

On Buying Toys.

2011-06-12T13:35:00.000-04:00

My daughters have shown us once again that buying toys is purely optional. They would love nothing more than to stack cans of food. Or maybe use them to hold their cup they are trying to drink from.

Suitor Defense: Bronwyn's Style

2011-06-07T15:13:00.000-04:00

On Memorial Day weekend we visited the zoo with the in-laws and the girls greatly enjoyed themselves. During a brief respite in the play area though Bronwyn decided to employ some suitor defense against a boy who dared try and come into her play area.

Apparently her and her sister were on the lookout for any boys who may dare approach them.

Bronwyn with her hawk-like eyes quickly spotted a boy who was attempting to approach them and was quick to tell him "NO!!!!!" with the corresponding sign.

The poor boy then left and went to do something else. He did try several times though and was soundly rebuffed by Bronwyn. They did though allow his younger sister to join them.

Team Blue though is happy to report that once the girls left they did allow him the use of the climbing toy. Now to wonder if she will continue with this suitor defense when she is older. But I am ready to step in with my Aircraft Carrier should things get out of control.

Gift Giving

2011-05-28T14:36:00.000-04:00

This past week my wife had another twin mom over whose girls are a week older than ours. Moonbeam upon seeing this decided he ought to present these new people with a present for Team Blue. He was quite sad though that they did not appreciate the half-dead rabbit. Don't they know good taste when they see it? Since they rejected his present and went inside he ate it all by his poor self.

Year 2 in Review

2011-05-24T18:50:00.000-04:00

It has come to my attention that I missed my two year blogaversary! Please excuse my tardiness in preparing this year in review!

Last year I set out some high and lofty goals for my war against pink.

To continue supplementing my daughters wardrobe with feminine, but non-pink attire. Last year my efforts to increase the feminine but not pink wardrobe had a good reception. My wife was insisting on Ballerina outfits so we compromised and it was definitely in my favor. We did family pictures and to my joy we had NO pink on us.

My daughters continued this trend of wearing cute but NOT PINK outfits throughout the year even when getting dirty.
Like Aeralind deciding to climb in a hole and eat the dirt around her.

And Bronwyn happily climbing rocks in the rock quarry:

To petition the government to remove pink as a color. While I was never able to send in a petition concerning the HORRID color choice for a tax envelope it seems that someone in their office reads my blog. As the latest tax envelope was a bright yellow.

Definitely a much better color choice and more appealing to those of us who are sensitive about such things.

To procure a dragon to aid in suitor defense.
Sadly the efforts to purchase a dragon was viciously shot down by the leader of Team Pink. Her primary reason was that unless I can afford 10 Hippopotamus' a day we cannot get one. So therefore I went and re-structured my Suitor Defense Plan. The first was the creation of the Marriage Contract. As the number of boys that wanted to visit with my daughters dramatically decreased I would say this was a great success. Due to a pending addition to the family I also elected to purchase a small item to aid in suitor defense, an Aircraft Carrier. Aeralind also elected to do her own version of Suitor Defense, where she took on her Black Widow Ways and EATS the hapless man who offends her.

Additionally during this year, I made a new enemy that somehow was able to morph into many different things. The first, and most insidious was my banishment to the Doghouse for innocent comments on household roles.We apparently had 2 new creatures move into our house. The first being the ominous Crack with the second being large Termites. We also had many, many battles against the Dreaded foe Odus Media, which thankfully was banished in January.

We did have one enemy outside the house that was an instant Prohibition that was quickly and easily agreed on by all parties involved. There are though pretty Yellow and Black Striped birdies so that makes up for it a little bit.

Photo courtesy of my Dad.

During the course of the year the girls dabbled in many different sorts of future professions. Their earliest involved being a Musician. Upon realizing how much work this would entail they thought of an easier profession, being a Treasure Hunter. Due to the risk of bug bites they then attempted their hand at Rock Climbing. After these though they each went their own way on possible professions. Bronwyn tried her hand at being a Broomstick Rider while Aeralind pondered the virtues of being a Carpenter. They both did enjoy being a Wine Tester though.

We, my wife and I that is, discussed the different ideas of play dates on one occasion. I decided to show her just what Team Blue thought was a suitable idea for one. The girls also decided a demonstration was in order of Thievery and Mischief.

Lastly we celebrated their first birthday with a lovely post on our Survival and fed the girls Chocolate Cake for breakfast.
Finally....

In this next year I plan to further the cause of Team Blue while trying to fight the indomitable presence of Team Pink. I also hope that I will be able to welcome a new addition to Team Blue but that is unknown until the little one gets here. There was a bit of encouraging news though when the smallest members of team pink went on a Ride on the Wild Side

Pink tests the waters

2011-05-23T21:03:00.001-04:00

During the past 2 years most of the battles between pink and blue have been at the instigation of the parents with little input from the girls. Friday though, Aeralind and Bronwyn decided to go for a ride on the wild side. While visiting a friend they quickly climbed into the toy 4-wheeler and took off with a flash. Unfortunately, or fortunately for my wife, they could only go in circles but they were loving every moment of it. While the thrill was short lived this is very much good news for us members of Team Blue.

Suitor Defense

2011-05-20T17:05:00.000-04:00

We have recently come across some news that may require a modification to my suitor defense plan. This little guy was a surprise and will be arriving in October.

As we will not be discerning the gender of the child until its birth I have felt it necessary to bolster the suitor defenses by a significant margin in case the child is a member of Team Pink.

I saw this little gem in the news and figured it would make a suitable addition. What can beat up an aircraft carrier? I wonder what kind of payment plan I could get for it.

Pinks new Attack

2011-05-11T21:06:00.000-04:00

It seems that members in Team Pink have discovered a new method of attack. On Mothers Day Aeralind was tired after her sister kept waking her up the night before so she cursed Bronwyn and turned her into a kitty. Because of this all Bronwyn could say was "Meow, Meow." Unfortunately for her she tried to walk like a normal human on our walk but Aeralind was quick to set her straight by hitting her with a stick.

Unfortunately for poor Bronwyn she was stuck in this cat like state for 4 days. We though are happy to announce that she broke free and can now act and talk like a normal baby girl. I fear for the other members of Team Blue if this mode of attack is unleashed upon us.

Children's Songs

2011-05-11T21:03:00.000-04:00

As kids we all learned many and varied songs. One of which was most likely Patty Cake, Patty Cake. This evening though we edited the song to a more appropiate version:

Smash the Skeeter, Smash the Skeeter,
Smash it dead. Smash the Skeeter,
Smoosh the Skeeter, stop its head.

This song is definitely approved by Team Blue. :)

Warning Labels

2011-05-04T20:40:00.000-04:00

Warning labels tend to be a good thing. Like telling that it isn't wise to jump the fence into an alligator pit. Or telling you that using a blow dryer while in the shower is not recommended. I wish to present to you a new one from my daughter.

WARNING: Thumps and kicks violently in her sleep. Approach with caution and care.

Apparently she has taken to her own form of suitor defense. Hopefully her crib can handle thumping and violence of this magnitude.

The Circle of Life

2011-05-03T14:08:00.000-04:00

There comes a time in all children's life where they see a dead animal for the first time. For our girls it was this past week. With the warmer weather we have taken to eating on our back deck and were joined by the other member of Team Blue, Moonbeam.

He had decided to present his latest offering (victim) to us in the form of a small rabbit that was still slightly alive. I being a member of team blue looked at it and patted the cat congratulating him on his kill. The other side though? Their reaction was starkly different. My wife was squirmy as it was still wiggly and the girls did not appreciate this gruesome display. After consoling the cat and reassuring him that we did love him I convinced him to eat his dinner on the ground and not on the deck with us. For the girls sake, at least they didn't notice the ensuing crunching and munching of bones.

He really is a fierce cat, don't let that innocent looking face fool you. Just look at his scar. I am sure he will gain more in his defense of the house against unwelcome house guests, or yard guests.

Surprises...

2011-04-27T12:39:00.001-04:00

Some surprises are a bad thing, like walking out to your car and finding it on blocks with no doors or tires. Some surprises are a good thing, like finding out your having twins instead of a singleton on your first pregnancy.
This surprise is definitely in the good category though it is unknown if it will be reinforcements for the beleaguered Team Blue or if it will side with Team Pink. I will let you my faithful readers know as soon as we do, which will be sometime in October.

Umm.... How did that happen?

2011-04-26T13:00:00.002-04:00

The other night while getting the girls ready for bed my pregnant wife asked me:

Honey, our bucket baby needs a pacifier.

I wonder if I should be concerned or not.

Good Helping

2011-04-02T08:32:00.003-04:00

My daughters demonstrating the good time of helping. Also taming the pink by getting them to do manly work.

A truce with pink

2011-04-01T15:31:00.000-04:00

Today I call a truce with pink. This morning I awoke and I put on my pink polo, my pink unmentionables, my pink tutu, and my ballet slippers. I thought gee it sure is nice to be free from all the hate of pinkness.

My daughters woke up and I fed them Pink Milk and Green Eggs and Pink Ham. Together we went and got a manicure in our pink tutu's. We all got our toenails painted sparkly and pink. It feels so good to have someone massage your feet in bubbling pink water.

Following our spa morning we went to a store and purchased Pink Peeps, Pink Bubblegum, and Strawberry Ice cream. We went to a park and had a Pink Feast. While on our sugar high we twirled happily in the breeze like butterflies.

After we napped luxuriously in our pink silk sheets we arose and went to Barbie on Ice. It was so amazing to see Barbie twirl and triple axle and we were so happy to see that she finally married ken in the end.

We went home where Melissa served us strawberry jello jigglers and a lovely pepto-bismol pink ice cream cake.

I am looking forward to winding down our perfectly pink day by pushing our pink dolls in strollers and singing ring around the rosies until bed time.

Taming Pink: Yard Work

2011-03-29T07:56:00.000-04:00

Trying to tame down their Pinkishness by having them mow the lawn with their Blue Lawn Mower:

Team Pink Attacks

2011-03-26T20:04:00.002-04:00

In a vicious and cruel attack members of Team Pink attacked me and banished me to their chamber of horrors. There I was repeatedly assaulted by Lions, Dinosaurs, and Giraffes with no respite. Hopefully I can break free so I can get back to my normal posting.

You know your tired when......

2011-03-15T13:55:00.000-04:00

You can't finish your lunch.

Future Profession: Videographer

2011-01-30T20:13:00.000-05:00

My daughter discovered our video camera and apparently wanted to try her hand at shooting videos. Also, why are they so cute when they are getting into trouble?

Freed from the Doghouse

2011-01-28T21:27:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I finally was able to organize my release from the overly pink doghouse I had banished to last fall. Part of my parole though was to build a pink doghouse out of play dough depicting where I had lived for the past few months.

A Message from Team Pink

2011-01-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

I received the following message from Team Pink. Apparently they should head back to grammar school as they failed at spelling.

zjcemjfhjymfmgkljgkkjfx jhfdkjmfjkklecuh4d874iorxyhfjnmkfuyd 8uirviuooltujhdhgsefgdszDZ 0P4V897F45UIEGHVSHGIJKAGTHKSJK mndsm,dfikjntrrl;mrjkkjriukiktrlrt52jmhrfjerjoi o4fu8ih45kjlkfdjhmshnmfgotruijhjhjhhjhj
msw jkm dfjjkfdjk jfd
jhnmdsmfvdj vcj
ujvciun gf oiofiurfdukiklgklg uirfvdoiwp;ldsolfgklgfklflkfdjkdsuj dsikolfdl

kl fvk,jvcm

love

bronwyn

A Truce during the Snomaggeddon of 2011

2011-01-10T14:50:00.000-05:00

This morning the Aldrich household woke up to 8 inches of snow on the ground. If I was living in Maine, this would be a usual occurrence but here in South Carolina we may get that over the course of a few winters. Members from both sides of the war decided that a truce was in order so all parties involved could involve the snow. It was an adventure walking the girls attempt to walk in snow that was hip deep so they resorted to crawling.

Not all was friendly though as one can see that in the above photo someone from Team Pink tried to throw snow at Team Blue. She was able to flee in time though.

Future Profession: Chimney Sweep

2011-01-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

We have a fireplace in our house that we had not cleaned out so it seems that the twins decided to take into their own hands. Me thinks they are aspiring Chimney Sweeps..... though hopefully Aeralind will learn that you are not supposed to eat the ashes.

Telling Identical Twins Apart

2011-01-01T20:39:00.000-05:00

Sometimes telling twins apart can be really easy. If they are boy/girl twins then you have it simple. It does get a bit challenging though when they are identical. Hopefully the following tips can help you easily distinguish between them.

One method is to take the twins in question outside. The one that instantly finds a pile of dirt to eat and cover her face in is most likely the older of the two.

The younger twin is the one who valiently attempts to climb up the slide.

Unfortunately her efforts often end in failure. But her stubbornness will win out until she reaches the top.

Suitor Defense: Auctions

2010-12-12T09:42:00.000-05:00

I am sad to inform you that yesterday while I was cooking dinner I had the first interloper bypass the suitor defense fortifications surrounding the house. He somehow traversed the moat, tamed the Wolverines, and scaled the portcullis and snuck into the twins room. Thankfully my wife caught him in the act before there was any lasting harm done.

Little did he know that there is one final step in this suitor defense. As he is a Single, young man I will now auction him with an opening bid of one wife. The only requirement is that she is a Christian women that likes motorcycles. Please send all bids through a comment on this blog.

Mud Princess

2010-12-06T09:19:00.001-05:00

I present to you our newest creation..... The Mud Princess. She is determined to do her best for Team Blue while defeating Team Pink through sheer cuteness. If I must raise Princesses then I shall encourage them to play in the mud and do other Team Blue activities.

A New, unwanted Enemy: Odus Media

2010-12-05T09:11:00.000-05:00

It seems that we have a new enemy in our midst. Three times in the past two months he has snuck into their beds and cause them to stir in restlessness waking up their parents. Not content with simple restlessness they then moan and cry causing us to have to go rescue them from this foul menace. We rapidly sent out a plea for help and our cry was answered by bounty hunters under the guise of eligible young ladies. It took some work, but each time this menace invaded the quiet of our homes we summoned the bounty hunters who quickly banished him back to the wild world where he belongs.

Due to Bounty Hunter Costs we cannot offer a larger reward.

A View from the Doghouse

2010-11-21T10:08:00.000-05:00

It seems that during this Banishment the household is going to the Dark Side. My wife has come out to frequently show off her Pink (shiver of disgust) pants with her pink shoes.

The above is all I can see when she walks past which makes me shiver in fright of just what the house looks like now. In what I thought was a sign of hope I heard the lawnmower running.... Sadly the lawnmower is now pink as well. I need help in leaving this doghouse so I can reclaim my home for Team Blue. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated.

A Government Conspiracy

2010-11-14T07:56:00.000-05:00

I always knew that the Government was out to get us and I have caught wind of one of their most devious plans. The County Tax Envelopes are PINK. How ghastly is that, the people in our government apparently want to pinkify the world and make it uglier. We must rise up and convince them that blue is a much better color.

Team Pink Invades

2010-11-13T19:42:00.000-05:00

It seems that while I am banished to the doghouse Team Pink has authorized an invasion of women into the house. They are focused primarily on our bedroom, undoubtedly trying to reinforce my wife's stance on Team Pink.

Future Profession: Maid or Broomstick Rider

2010-11-06T11:04:00.000-04:00

Bronwyn discovered our broom and has taken to play with it. I don't know if she is trying to clean the floor or go flying on it.

Why do we buy Toys?

2010-11-04T20:43:00.000-04:00

Could someone please explain why we buy toys for our children? I am at a loss here.

Yes, they emptied out their toy bins so they could play in the boxes.

Banishment by Team Pink

2010-10-26T07:36:00.000-04:00

After my recent blog post about women in the kitchen it seems that Team Pink retaliated in an unexpected manner. I have now been banished to the Dog House, which is odd as we do not have a dog house but my wife was not deterred in the least.

Termite Problems

2010-10-24T11:26:00.000-04:00

Apparently the prior owners of our house had a small termite problem that they took care of and placed a bond on our house. The bond requires a yearly inspection that we are happily continuing. This inspection too place on Monday and I proceeded to inform him that we had a rather large Termite problem in one of the bedrooms.

After asking him about this I showed him said termites to which he simply replied how cute they were and that we should keep them.

Sigh, I just hope they don't start eating the house as well.

Women and the Kitchen

2010-10-21T08:15:00.000-04:00

Occasionally we allow the girls into the kitchen, usually near the time that they themselves will be eating. I walked into the kitchen and came upon this scene and was left with several possibilities.
1. They were being taught the intricacies of baking.
2. They were where women belonged, in the kitchen.
3. The more sinister motive of roasting the other Team Blue member.

What do you folks think? Whatever it was, it was quite tasty.

Future Profession: Swamp Thing

2010-10-15T21:10:00.000-04:00

I can only say that as a swamp thing it should scare off most suitors. The question is though, does it pay well enough? Or will she rob unwary travelers with her stealth attacks of sheer and utter cuteness?

Crazy Speak: Oh Dear......

2010-10-09T19:45:00.000-04:00

Honey, I love Pumpkins. Pumpkin Plates, Pumpkin Pie, etc......
I know Dear, I wonder what you would do if the twins were turned into Pumpkins.
I would love them, kiss them, hold them..... And when I was tired of them put them in Pumpkin Pie.

An Unexpected Defendor

2010-10-02T09:27:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week as I was leaving for work I caught sight of a spider web in the door frame. Not seeing a resident spider I removed the web so that we can use the door without getting caught in the web. Apparently though he was on a secret mission for Team Blue to defend against a sneak attack that Team Pink had been planning. This morning he had rebuilt his web and laying in the center was able to foil the attack.

Unfortunately the Household spokewomen for Team Pink decreed that he could not stay as a defender but must go. So we on Team Blue mourn the passing of this secret agent.

Derek and his Women

Boycotting Valentines Day

Crazy Speak: Toddler Honesty

Hugs

Danger Scale: Slides

How would your rate this?

Public Enemy #1

Danger Scale: Ladder Climbing

Please rate this activity

There is WHAT in your ball pit?

Danger Scale: Flying Fish

Please Rate this

Strange Sounds

Danger Scale: Shuttle Launch

How would you rate this?

How would you rate this?

Danger Scale: Sleeping in a Hammock

Rating Scale

Crazy Speak: Sleeping Around

Say What?!

Danger Scale: Tree Hugger

Danger Scale: Fireplace as a Playplace

How would you rate this?

Future Profession: Crane Operator

Danger Scales

How would you rate this?

How to be a Womanizer

A most Heinous Torture

So my Daughter pet a boy today.....

The Gobble Gobble Wobble

Pink's Sinister Side

Standing the Test of Time

Accessories

Future Profession: Doctor

Birth Story v2

Carving Pupmkins

My son is a what????

Future Profession: Arborist

Pumpkins and Suitors

Pink Retaliates

We have Victory!!!!!!!!!!

Lions in the Park

What's for Dinner?

The girls were doing what?

I am a DADD

Retro girls

On the use of Bears

Tomatoes

Mysterious White Powder

What's for dinner?

Birthday Extravaganza

How to feed Toddlers

Ice Cream Sandwiches

Play Time

Weird Places to grow stuff

Food of the Week: Toddler Exia

Uses for Duck, Pt2

Uses for Duck, Pt. 1

Breakfast Foods

How the girls see their daddy

The tale of the Duck, Part 1

Food of the Week

Future Profession: EMT Surgeon

Dress up

Future Professions: Harmonica Player

Unapproved Dates

Genocide

Mis-heard

Independance Day

When Blue Strikes Back

My wife on the kids.

Horror of all horrors

On Buying Toys.

Suitor Defense: Bronwyn's Style

Gift Giving

Year 2 in Review

Pink tests the waters

Suitor Defense

Pinks new Attack

Children's Songs